75 Funny Voicemail Greetings To Have Them Laughing

Voicemails have been used for a long time to politely notify callers that the recipient could be busy and unable to answer the call. It’s a convenient tool that ensures there’s no confusion regarding two communication channels.

However, people have found ways to make their voicemail greetings as funny as possible, which can be very entertaining to the caller. From famous movie and song lines to customized greetings, you can do unlimited things with your voicemail greetings.

I’ll look at some of the funniest voicemail greetings in this article. If you’ve been thinking of setting up your funny voicemail, read this to find some good ideas.

Funniest Voicemail Greetings You Can Use

Are you ready to have your ribs cracked? Here are the funniest voicemail greetings.

1. Hang Up and Text Instead

Most people, myself included, try as much as we can to avoid calls and use texts instead. This type of voicemail greeting will be perfect for avoiding calls every few minutes. This is what the voicemail says.

“You’ve reached my voicemail when you hear the beep; please hang up and text instead.”

What makes this a perfect voicemail greeting is that it takes advantage of harmless humor to make light of a message that would otherwise be viewed as rude in any other setting. It’s the perfect greeting to break the ice with people who may have stayed too long without communicating with you.

2. I Have Amnesia

This is one of the funniest voicemail greetings that makes fun of memory in a light manner. The owner tells the caller that they can’t remember anything and that it would be good if they left all the details about the recipient.

Here’s the complete voicemail greeting.

“Hello, I can’t come to my phone now because I have amnesia and feel stupid talking to people I don’t remember. I’d appreciate it if you could help me by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thank you!”

But I feel like this would work best if used among friends. It may not come off as funny to a stranger as they may believe you have amnesia, and that could be a bit uncomfortable for them.

Also Read: Fake Spam Text Messages & How To Report?

3. Spin And Hop Around

If you remember the silly games people play as kids where they spin around until they get dizzy, then this voicemail greeting will resonate with you. It’s quite playful, and if executed with the right funny voice, it could bring a smile to anyone who calls you.

Here’s how the voicemail greeting goes.

“Hi, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to the phone, but if you could hop three times, spin around, touch your nose, and say your name, then leave me a message after the beep, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”

Once again, this is a casual jibe that would be very effective for people you’re familiar with, but it still works for any stranger who may call your phone when you can’t reach it.

4. Can’t Find the Phone

This is the simplest one yet. It involves crafting a simple message informing the caller that you may have misplaced your phone and can’t reach it.

It may be funny to tell people you can’t take the call right now, but you’d be surprised at how easily some people Espace their phones. Here’s the greeting.

“Hello. I’m available right now, but I cannot find the phone. Please leave a message, and I will call you as soon as I find it.”

This is perfect if you occasionally have trouble remembering where you place your phone.

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5. Have the Right To Remain Silent

For those that have ever been arrested, this should be familiar. If you have also watched enough police TV shows, you’ve come across the Miranda Warning, which gives you the right to avoid incriminating yourself by talking too much.

When used as a creative voicemail greeting, it takes a life of its own and becomes extremely funny. Here’s how this voicemail greeting goes.

“Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by me.”

I would laugh heartily if I ever called someone and was met by this funny voicemail greeting. The good thing about it is that it works for friends and official calls—an excellent way to break the ice.

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6. Part of the Problem/Solution

This voicemail greeting borrows heavily from an Eldridge Cleaver quote about being part of the solution instead of being the problem. It uses a hefty quote in a lighthearted manner that should put a smile on anyone trying to call you.

Here’s how the full greeting goes.

“Hi, this is [your name]. If you’re part of the problem, hang up now. If you’re part of the solution, leave a message.”

The best part of this greeting is that you can customize it to only work with one person by inserting their name. This would be perfect for friends or family members who’ve known each other for a long time and constantly make fun of each other.

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7. You Know the Drill

This is one of the shortest voicemail greetings to inform your callers that you can’t accept the call then. It’s precise, and depending on the tone you use, it can be funny too.

All it says is the following.

“You know the drill.”

But as much as it is straight to the point, I feel it would work better for people familiar with you. Telling that to a stranger may have a different effect and may even create more confusion, especially if the call is from a job application you may have made.

8. Avoiding someone

This is another greeting that works best with people you’re familiar with. It’s a funny way of telling people that you’re trying to avoid taking the calls because there’s a particular someone you’re trying to avoid, but you’ll get back to them when you feel like the coast is clear.

Here’s how it goes in full.

“Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.”

It’s an amusing way of creating friendly and funny tension in some of your callers. But it would help if you didn’t use this on potential official calls that may come your way. You wouldn’t want a job recruiter hearing that when they call you with a job offer.

Also Read: Best Free Second Phone Number Apps

9. Algebra Quiz

For those that love math, you can use this simple algebra quiz to poke fun at some of the familiar callers you have in your contacts list.

In this voicemail greeting, you create a simple math question to give your caller a chance to do some mental calculations rather than being met with an empty ring.

It’s a sure way of putting a smile on any type of caller, and this is how the whole greeting goes.

“Please leave your name and number – but first, a short algebra quiz: How much is 5Q + 5Q? (Keep a pause so that the caller has time to think) 10Q. You’re welcome!

My favorite part is the long pause that gives the caller a few seconds to come up with an answer.

However, this would only work between familiar people. Because that’s not the kind of voicemail, you want to hear when making an emergency call.

10. Living My Best Life

This is the kind of voicemail greeting you reserve for your friends and family for the time you’ve gone on vacation. I’ve been in a situation like this before, and it gets on your nerves when people keep calling you when you’re trying to enjoy some quality time at the beach.

This is how this voicemail greeting goes.

“Hi there! You’ve reached John’s voicemail. I’m currently avoiding all human interaction and living my best life, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m done.”

As you can see, it gets the serious job of stopping people from calling without you sounding rude or frustrated. After all, you can always call back if it’s an emergency. So everybody wins in the end.

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11. Send Me Money

I have to admit that I laughed way too much when reading this voicemail because it would make people want to call you every minute if perfectly executed in the right voice.

It’s a humorous way of letting people know you can’t receive their call, but rather than make them wait on that ringing sound, they get treated to this.

“Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I have already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friend, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.”

This would be perfect for a group of friends or family members who have inside jokes. I especially loved the bit about the parents sending money.

However, that last part may not be a good idea; calling strangers females may land you in trouble with people who are not acquainted with you. So leave that out.

12. Professional Voicemail

While most other voicemail greetings lean towards the casual side of things, professionals who want something funny for their clients can also have a go at it.

This one, in particular, is a perfect way of informing your essential clients that you’re not in a position to receive their call but will call them back ASAP.

Here’s how it goes.

“You’ve reached the voicemail of Mary, also known as the world’s greatest [Insert Your Profession]. If you need my expertise, leave a message, and I’ll get back to you.”

The voicemail is clear, straight to the point, and has a neutral tone. So you can set it for all your critical work-related calls because the last thing you want is for your client to feel like their calls are being ignored.

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13. Superhero

This is another excellent voicemail that would work best for professional settings. It borrows on the superhero vibe where the person being called could be busy handling something essential but doesn’t want to leave you hanging.

This is what the voicemail says.

“Hello! You have reached the mail of Peter Smith, your favorite superhero. I didn’t pick up your call because I was busy saving the day. So drop your name and number, and maybe if we survive doomsday, I will return your call someday.”

14. James Bond Voicemail

Like the superhero greeting, this could also work best for professional settings. Almost everyone has watched James Bond movies, and that’s what makes this voicemail greeting very effective.

And just as you already suspect, it makes use of one of the most famous movie lines in history. Here’s how it goes.

“This is Bond. James Bond. Okay, it’s really [your last name]. [Your first name] [your last name]. I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m done helping M16 save the world — which will probably be tomorrow at the latest. Have a good day.”

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15. Say Something Nice

This voicemail greeting made me smile because of the beautiful twist toward the end.

It starts in a very professional tone where the voicemail politely thanks the caller and asks them to leave their details for a call back if they have something meaningful. Then it adds a funny twist at the end that could make the call even more enjoyable when you eventually call back.

Here’s what the greeting says.

” Hi, you have reached the personal number of [insert name]. Please leave your name and message after the beep if it’s important. Even if you don’t have anything important to say, I would appreciate it if you did say something nice about me that would make my day. Bye.”

16. Call Back When You’re Hot

I had second thoughts about including this in the list, but it was too hilarious to ignore.

This casual voicemail greeting should work well among familiar friends and family members but should never be used on professional calls because it would be considered rude.

Here’s what the voicemail greeting says.

“You have reached the voicemail of (your name). If you’re a hot chick/guy, you may leave a message after the tone. If you are one of (your name)’s friends, you may also leave a message after the tone. If you’re not hot and not one of (your name)’s friends, call back when you are.”

17. Deep Sleep

Rather than shutting off your phone or using the DND option, which may inconvenience some of your callers, you can use this fantastic voicemail greeting if you plan to take a break from something.

I would use this when going to sleep and don’t want to be interrupted by calls that can wait.

Here’s how the greeting is structured.

“Hi. This is Martin. I’ve shut the ringers off on my phone and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording, I’m going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up, I’ll play my messages. Please leave one.”

I recommend that you only use this mostly for calls from people you’re familiar with. A stranger reading that you’ve taken a sedative may have a different effect on the call.

18. Liam Neeson Style

Movie buffs will immediately know what I’m talking about here. Liam Neeson has appeared in many movies where he has to deal with kidnappers taking his daughter for ransom.

All these movies always have one unmistakable line: Neeson calls the kidnappers and warns them that he will find them no matter where they are.

This voicemail greeting takes advantage of that and adds a friendly tone and twist to the end that goes like this.

“I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know what you want, but you can tell me all that in your message.”

See how short and straight to the point it is? You just know your callers will have a good laugh if they’re familiar with the movie.

19. Credit Card Number

This was another clever greeting that made me laugh too. The best bit about it is that it can also be used for professional calls.

Rather than just telling people to leave their number so you can get back to them, how about trying to sound like a scammer and ask them to leave their credit card? Your callers will have a good laugh too.

Here’s how the voicemail goes.

“Sorry, I can’t get to the phone right now. Please leave your name and credit card number at the beep.”

20. Funeral Service

Now, I have to come out and explicitly warn anyone against using this with people they’re not familiar with because it may give people a big scare.

Basically, this is a voicemail message where you identify yourself as a funeral home and ask the caller to leave their number so you can call them back later on. This is how it goes.

“Hello, and thank you for reaching out to Lee Funeral Home. We offer burial services at discounted rates and would happily offer you a good package. Please leave your name, number, and death certificate, and we will get back to you.”

Don’t pull this on calls from people you don’t know because it would go the opposite way, as they would not find it funny.

Theme-specific Voicemail Greetings – You’ll Love these too

Professional but Playful

1. “You’ve reached the office of Captain Obvious. I’m clearly not available right now.”
2. “Welcome to [Your Name]’s phone. For complaints, press 1. For compliments, press 2. For all other messages, wait for the beep… which is your only actual option.”
3. “I’m currently in a meeting with myself about being more productive. Please leave a message.”
4. “You’ve reached my cell phone’s automated defense system. State your business or be eliminated.”
5. “Currently busy turning coffee into productivity. Please leave a message.”

Time-Based Humor

6. “I’m either sleeping, eating, working, or avoiding my phone. Choose whichever excuse works best for you.”
7. “If you’re calling before noon, I’m probably still asleep. If you’re calling after noon, I’m probably wishing I was still asleep.”
8. “You’ve caught me during my scheduled procrastination time. I’ll call you back when I’m done… eventually.”
9. “Currently living in the future where phones are obsolete. Please send a message via telepathy… or just wait for the beep.”
10. “Time zones are hard. Let’s pretend I’m in one where I’m supposed to be unavailable right now.”

The Classic Misdirects

11. “Hello? … Hello? … Just kidding, this is a voicemail.”
12. “You’ve reached the right number at the wrong time.”
13. “Congratulations! You’re the 100th caller today! Unfortunately, I still can’t answer.”
14. “This is not the voicemail you’re looking for… but it’s the one you’ve got.”
15. “Plot twist: This is a voicemail greeting!”

Tech Humor

16. “My phone is currently experiencing an existential crisis. Please leave a message while it figures things out.”
17. “Loading personality.exe… Error 404: Person not found. Please leave a message.”
18. “This automated response is powered by artificial procrastination.”
19. “You’ve reached the beta version of my voicemail. Expect bugs.”
20. “Buffering… buffering… just leave a message.”

Pop Culture References

21. “Unable to reach the phone right now. Gone to Middle-earth. Back after destroying the ring.”
22. “Welcome to the Matrix of my voicemail. Take the red pill and leave a message.”
23. “May the voicemail be with you.”
24. “Winter is coming… and so is my callback.”
25. “In a galaxy far, far away… from my phone right now.”

Food-Themed

26. “Currently on a pizza quest. Leave a message if it’s urgent or if you know where to find the perfect slice.”
27. “Sorry I missed your call – I was in a serious relationship with my sandwich.”
28. “Out to lunch. Literally. Not metaphorically. Well, maybe both.”
29. “If this is about food, I’m interested. Leave a message.”
30. “Trading my phone time for taco time. Worth it.”

Animal-Inspired

31. “My cat knocked the phone off the table again. She says to leave a message.”
32. “Currently teaching my dog to answer the phone. Progress is slow. Please leave a message.”
33. “Sorry, can’t come to the phone. My pet unicorn needs walking.”
34. “The squirrels have stolen my phone. Negotiations are ongoing.”
35. “My phone is playing dead. Unlike my dog, it’s not pretending.”

Weather-Related

36. “Currently weathering the storm of life. Leave a message after the thunder.”
37. “It’s raining calls and I forgot my umbrella.”
38. “Too sunny to answer the phone right now.”
39. “Caught in a tornado of tasks. Leave a message if you’re not from Kansas.”
40. “Forecast shows a high chance of missed calls with scattered messages.”

Exercise Excuses

41. “Out running… from my responsibilities.”
42. “Currently doing phone-free yoga. Namast’ay away from my phone right now.”
43. “On a spiritual journey to the kitchen. Leave a message.”
44. “Training for a marathon… of Netflix watching.”
45. “Busy lifting spirits, not weights. Message me later.”

Office Humor

46. “Currently hiding from my deadlines. They haven’t found me yet.”
47. “In a meeting with my imaginary board of directors.”
48. “Out of office, out of mind.”
49. “Currently climbing the corporate ladder. Reception is terrible up here.”
50. “Busy pretending to work. Leave a message if you’re my boss.”

Adventure Themed

51. “On an epic quest to find my lost socks. Leave a message if you’ve seen them.”
52. “Currently exploring the deepest depths of my couch cushions.”
53. “Embarking on a grand adventure to the grocery store.”
54. “Lost in the Bermuda Triangle of my daily routine.”
55. “On a secret mission. This message will self-destruct after the beep.”

How to Make a Funny Voicemail Greeting?

With the funniest voicemail greetings out of the way, how do you make your own? Here are some pointers to help you make one from scratch.

Start With a Humorous Greeting

Every funny single voicemail needs to start with a lighthearted greeting to break the ice. It doesn’t have to always begin with Hello. Use some variations, like, “Greetings earthling” as though you’re an alien.

Introduce Yourself

Not everyone that tries to get in touch with you knows you so come up with a funny introduction based on how familiar you are with your intended audience. Use inside jokes for people you interact with casually. For professional voicemails, always state your title.

Add a Funny Message

The message is the main part of a voicemail and the entire reason for crafting the whole thing, to begin with. This is where you state why you can’t attend the call and offer an alternative or the action you will take later. The trick is knowing how to insert jokes without overdoing them to give the caller something to look forward to.

Add a Closing

After the message, it’s crucial always to end everything with a closing because you don’t want your caller to keep hanging there. After all, some voicemail services bill the caller, which could make some angry.

Once you’ve delivered the greeting, introduction, and central message, close the voicemail with a quick remark that shows the caller it has ended.

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Wrapping Up

A good laugh is always a good thing, and a funny voicemail would be an excellent way to ensure you light up someone’s day.

However, it’s easy to misuse this service, so you need to know when you’re about to cross lines. Know your target audience first before launching any type of voicemail greeting.

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